Jim Carey Pastors

I'm recovering from a busy first half semester, and thought i'd get back to writing. (to kayleigh) hi sweetie. I'm a little tired. Now going on six years of formal biblical education and about as long interning and what not in various church positions--i'm tired. Specifically i'm tired of the masks. I'm really tired of self-righteous delusional power/attention hungry misfits who continually pimp out their God given calling to feel like the celebrity they'll never be. After continually seeing guys playing the role of super christian ultra leader while ignoring the evident crap going on in their own life, it's like the 5 year old who thinks he can fly because he's wearing a 15$ halloween costume. It's cheap, fake and easy to recognize. The scary thing about it is, these guys actually think they're super heroes, then they get shot at and the bullets don't bounce off. And the entire kingom of God suffers. Let's all stop, take off our masks and knock off the act. It's repulsive and embarassing.

things fall apart

its been an interesting week. aside from my girlfriend leaving me (to go to south daktoa for 10 days to see her awesome family-but i had you going there didn't i?) all this stuff in my life has started to break. At the beginning of the week my laptop stopped working. I took it in to best buy where they did whatever it is that they do to figure out what's wrong with it-and it turns out it has a bad hard drive. They sent it off to be fixed and i'll have it back in two weeks. I had no idea how much i used that thing until it was gone. i think life works that way with alot of things. Then monday night i found my drivers' side tire was jacked up. Not a hard fix, but still, inconvienience in waves. I wish my life worked the way it was supposed to all the time, but that rarely seems to happen .

Explosions and Marriages

I was a little freaked out today when my roomate called from Atlanta and asked me if our apartment blew up. I came to find out there was a gas explosion in downtown dallas about 10 minutes down Elm Street from my apartment. (my place is fine) As I was on cnn.com trying to see if I still had a home, I noticed that most of the headlines in the news seemed to center around celebrities doing blow and cheating on their spouses. I looked around the sight and saw that most of the focus of the american public seems to be on celebrities and their relationships. Maybe if we payed as much attention to our marriages as we did to Tom Cruises' the landscape of the American family would be a little different. Rant over, llamas are funny.

Murray Street Coffee

My routine is a big part of my day. My life works better when I follow some sort of routine and things are organized-whether those two things are happening or not is usually a pretty good barometer of how i'm doing spiritually. Anways, recently I've added a significant piece to that routine-My coffee addiction is now fed by the amazing people at Murray Street Coffee in deep ellum. This place is amazing and embodies what it takes to succeed at anything. It has the following going for it:

1.) It's close to my apartment (i live about 6 blocks north)

2.) It's unique/not a chain (the people who own it live locally and pour their souls into this place)

3.)They serve illy's coffee (they produce a quality product)

4.) The atmosphere inside (great interior-makes me want to stay there)

This place drips of excellence in everything they do, from how they serve the customer, to the look and feel of their space, to how plugged in they are to their surrounding community, they do the impossible daily-make me look foward to waking up so I can stop by, soak in the atmosphere and get some illys and a danish.

Murray Street Coffee

Lay Down Your Weapons Boy

I've been listening to what has become my favorite band alot recently. They're called the daylights, and i first heard them when I was a summer intern at Riverbend Church in Austin. They're out of LA and are gaining a ton of momentum. Anyways, i'm stuck on they're track "weapons" right now. The chorus goes:

lay down, lay down your weapons boy

right now right now, you're gonna change the world

I think this speaks to me beacuse it reveals something i struggle with alot. I've always been an agressive guy-i like collision sports, violent movies and explosions. I also like to fight. It sounds weird, but if there is something i feel is wrong, or i disagree with i default to search and destroy, usually verbally and not physically, but still--if i feel like someone is coming after me or something i believe in i want to jack them up. And that is completely opposed to what Jesus called me to. We can't effect change in our culture when we're fighting (eachother or the culture itself) I'm very guilty of mocking christian subculture (even when it earns it) and it's counter productive. It's like football players hitting guys on their own team. Anyways, before I really start to make a difference I need to lay down all my weapons and love people. Great song, can't wait for the cd to come out. Show the daylights some love--

http://www.myspace.com/thedaylights

Coffee and Jesus

Our Church [attempts] to provide starbucks' coffee every sunday for our attenders. We average about 1500 people a weekend (this fluctuates up some and a little down some) and I only mention the attendance to present a frame of reference for exactly how much coffee we're talking about here. We have a starbucks system that will crank out two gallons in six minutes, and be ready to go again in 4. However, we have had a huge problem keeping up with demand. We run out of coffee before everyone who wants a cup gets one. It's a huge enhancement of our church's first impression to have coffee, but it would be better to not have it all than have an empty shuttle frustrating people. Excellence lies in the details. As we look to improve this function of the church, making the details work will increase the quality of the experience we provide for people. Any ideas?

also, we are going through a series on identity at FBCN right now-and Drew is doing an awesome job. along those lines, i got this link from Tony Morgan's Blog on personality. Here are my results-give it a try, who are you?

http://www.personaldna.com/report.php?k=EbsyOlelmyCEyOr-DM-ADDED-12a1&u=9ebd5e83279b

Creating Impact

It's been awhile since I've posted (finals), but i made it through them, and even passed Greek. The adult team from fellowship got back from the Buzz conference in DC last week, and it was impacting to say the least. The conference struck me in that it was so much more than here is a list of things to do to make your church big, and delved into the mindset and motivation behind minsitry and the church's relationship to culture. I began to think about what I want my ministry to be charcterized by. I kept coming back to the word impact. I want what I do to change my surroundings, have a lasting effect. The "why" of these things that impacted me came down to the same few characteristics: Quality, Creativity and Authenticity. Three things invaluable to anything we do in life. Speaking of things that effect my life, here's a picture of my girfriend kayleigh and myself on her birthday. (I know, i don't know what she's doing with me either)

Who do you want to be?

I should be studying for a greek test I have to ace tommorow if i want to pass, but I'm engrossed in the play i've been watching for the last 20 minutes or so. I'm not at a theatre, I'm in the "coffee shop" at seminary. Watching people is funny, especially seminary students. Especially single seminary students. Throw a halfway attractive girl, screw that, just a girl you can look at with the lights on, put her in a room with single seminary guys and it's like chum in shark infested water. Most guys seeking a girls attention or even affection will you know, talk to her. Get to know her, ask her out. Apparently, we do things a little differently here at DTS. Guys turn into peackocks (i know i can't spell) and put on these weird little shows for them. They'll talk really louldy on their cell phones and make sure everyone can hear their conversation, which is important enough that it should impress the rest of us. They are putting out a picture of who they want people to see them as (ie the tool telling everyone about his prestigous career as a college football player, which, btw seems tough to believe when a guy's 5'7 250, but whatever) As much as i enjoy mocking these morons, it makes me think about how much i have in common with them. I don't mean i'm going to start pimping out my God given calling to get dates with studious church girls, but i definanlty have an idea of who i want to be, and the type of reputation i want to carry around with me. I know the type of man God calls all of us to be in scripture, especially those seeking positions of leadership in his church. And i'm down with that, i aspire so strongly to be patient, wise, prayerful, GODLY. and my heart longs to be a good husband and father......but here's the thing-as good as all that stuff sounds, the work it takes to get there sucks, and it's easy to get distracted. Honestly, sometimes i'd rather have alot of friends than take a hard stand on something. Sometimes i'd rather hang out with a girl who likes to mess around more than she likes jesus. I'm not saying i actually do, but what i want to do and what i should do don't always jive. also, i'm not patient, i get angry, and bitter at the church, and sometimes it's hard for me to love people I don't like. (and most of them seem to be church people) Fortunantly, God has given me numerous examples both in scripture and in my life that model the kind of men and pastors i want to be. My friend old rick at seminary is 33. He as a great looking family, a wife and two daughters. He models the sacrificial love towards his family and sheperds them towards God. Rick is the kind of dad and husband i want to be. Jason Ganze is my mentor. he's the high school pastor at a church here in dallas and loves Jesus and his family. I want to be Jason, anything good I am I learned from him. I have a friend from college, dan. Dan is one of the most mature, hardest working people I know. I hope to imitate the kind of humble Godly leader he is. Jack, one of the pastors at Fellowship where I work is someone i personally look up to and identify with. He exemplifies how to be a Godly leader and manage the direction of a church. The thing that sucks for us is to be the people we want to be, we have to give up alot about the people we are, and it's almost always long, and always painful.

I want to be a spartan

I saw the 300 this weekend. I dont need to tell you i thought it was great. I'm devoid of anything thoughtful or spiritual that i feel the need to spew onto the masses, so i'm defaulting to violence and testosterone. I don't know how to spell testosterone. Anyways, if you're a guy, go see the movie, i'm pretty sure you'll love it. Violence, honor, and violence. It's a great movie, unfortunantly there are a few sex scences that prevent it from being a wholesome family event.

Mexican Food

I like Mexican food alot. I have a good friend who likes mexican food maybe more than I do. Naturally, when we hang out, Mexican food is usually involved. We were eating at one of our favorite places last night, and I was reminded something about good friendships. They are like a mirror; they reflect who we are in our good points and our bad ones. I don't always think about things before i say them (a promising trait for someone who wants to preach). Flash back to fajita nachos and bbq shrimp. I said something stupid. She didn't laugh. In fact, it's something that's been bugging her in our friendship for awhile. So we started to talk about it, and it turns out that something i thought was harmless had been creating a wedge in the relationship, making it hard for there to be health, and even making it difficult for her to trust me. I don't take alot of things seriously, but close friendships are pretty important to me, and i sat at the table speechless. (something else that doesn't happen alot) And hurt. I had no idea any of this was going on. I apologized, and we had a great dinner. But when i saw a reflection of who i was, i wanted to vomit. The reason God calls us into community is because 1.) we need it. and 2.) it helps us grow spiritually. We need people that love us enough to help us. I'm not talking about being overly critical, but encouraging us to be the people that God wants us to be. I know the kind of husband and father I want to be, but i have habits, bends, and issues that stand in the way of who i am now and who i hope one day to be. Thankfully i have friends who risk comfort to point out the junk i need to clean out and friendships strong enough to create the safety for that kind of risk to be taken. It's not pleasant, i still feel crappy about being a jerk to someone i value so highly, but i would have felt alot worse if my junk would've gone unchecked and eventually jacked up not only that friendship, but all those after it.

The Craig Miller Theory

I live amongst celebrities. I mean, on a daily basis, i'm surrounded by them. I've heard it said before, but it finally clicked the other day. I was in the verrrry trendy part of Dallas called uptown this past weekend for a birthday thing (uptown is populated by guys with a ton of cash, and impossibly attractive young women who are dating the cash...i'm sorry i meant to say the guys with cash, that was a slip, men are shallow while women are deep, sincere, and only care about personality) and in the midst of the yuppie expanse, I realized the mastadon stunning accuracy of the Craig Miller theory: I live amongst movie stars. The Craig Miller Theory was spawned on the Dunham and Miller Morning Show (KTCK 1310 AM) here in Dallas. Craig observed one day while talking about the atrocious driving habits of Dallasites that most people exist as the stars of their own movie. Every life experience is simply a part of the plot, and the rest of exist as supporting actors. Maybe this is just a dallas thing, but it is readily apparent that I live in a city of people whose world (and everyone in it) revolves around them. And don't get me wrong, the movie stars provide as much entertainment as they do annoyance. From the guy working his bluetooth while his beamer caromes down 75 blaring Dave Matthews "Ants Marching" to the emo/rockers who are vehemently rebelling against society and conformity by staunchly expressing their indiviuality (while all dressing and speaking exactly alike......) these self-absorbed stars and starlets make us laugh. The Craig Miller theory is far less funny and far more dangerous when it creeps it's way into the church. At seminary, i've seen countless guys whose "ministry" is simply another medium to brodcast a show about themselves. As Christians, we make God our supporting actor, or director. We live in a culture that is feeding us the idea that everything is about us, and we are choking on it. I see it in my own life as much as I do anywhere. The show isn't about us, it's about God, and as Christians, we are called to model that through a lifestyle of radical, sacrificial love and holiness. It's hard for me to model a life that demonstrates the creation is ulitmately about God when I keep putting myself first. The church is dying because we are making church what it does for us instead of what it can do for God. I'm not suggesting the church shut down production of the movie, we just need to keep in mind who the main character is.

what am i doing

I've never been big into blogging, probably because i'm marginally computer illiterate (sometimes i need our it guy to help me check my email) and probably because I just never really spent a ton of time infront of the computer. The underlying narcissim of writing one's own thoughts with the vain expectation that others will read them and give a flip isn't lost on me, and is probably a subconcious motivator for me, an only child dripping with narcissim. I really got turned on to it when I started reading my fellow intern Chris "Purple Zebra" Freeland's blog. At first I wasn't too sure about it, but I like reading what he has to say, and get alot out of it. Hopefully any overflow of my cranial porridge into this blog will be worth the time it's taking to do this. We'll see what happens.